relationship advice

7 Ways to spice up a boring relationship

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1. GET OUT THE HOUSE!
If you are in a long term relationship you are most likely extra comfortable with your relationship-which is good!
What keeps things fresh and new is getting out of the house. Try dedicating at least one day a week to date night. This will allow you to always have special time together no matter how busy schedules may become.

2. CHILL OUT.
Relax. Breathe. Don’t sweat the small stuff. When you don’t feel attacked or judged you feel the opposite: safe and accepted. If you have been complaining a lot or nagging over issues, try chilling out. Before you knock that suggesting answer me this “Has the nagging permanently solved anything?” If not, try switching up your approach.

3. COMPLIMENT HIM.
This is a great way to change the tone of the relationship if you have been complaining a lot. Chances are he thinks he is failing at making you happy and he is probably feeling “unpretty” as a result. Compliment him. I find men drift to Instagram and other women for the ego boast via compliments. It makes sense compliments make you feel great about yourself. Be genuine and tell him how handsome he looks. Compliment his ability to get things done or his cooking. Like us men want to feel appreciated and attractive. Compliments will be your way of accomplishing both with ease.

4. BE MORE SPONTANEOUS.
Never schedule sex thats really not sexy. Be spontaneous when it comes to more experiences. Plan random dates, switch up your look, cook something exotic or show interest in something he loves for once. Relationships grow and feel new when new experiences take place. Be open to doing things at a moments notice and enjoy being spontaneous together every now and then. It will bring the fun back to a stagnant relationship.

5. BECOME A LITTLE MYSTERIOUS.
Men love mysteries and solving shit.
They love shows like CSI and The First 48 for that reason. Sure you both know each other well by now but if you start engaging in more activities outside of the relationship you break routine and become mysterious. Don’t bore him with a play by play everytime you go to hot yoga. Instead tell him every now and then and sometimes wait for him to ask. Reveal less and allow him to wonder. Mystery is interesting being an open book is not.

6. HAVE SEX.
I hear these horror stories about how long term couples stop having sex after awhile. Like once a month and other times only on statutory holidays excluding Jesus’s birthday out of Christian guilt. Men and women need to physically bond and that means Cake! Cake! Cake! Don’t hold out out and bring the passion back to your relationship.

7. TRY NEW THINGS TOGETHER.
Doing new things has really been the theme in this article and for good reason. In order to be out with the old, you have to be in with the NEW. Try baking together or playing Wheel of Fortune on Wii. Anything that allows you both to goof around and have a good time. The important thing is that you two are spending quality time together. This will give you more great memories biluilding a deeper bond with each other.

Written By: Natosh Monroe
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7 Ways to make your Relationship Beautiful

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1. FOCUS ON HIS PROS ALONE.
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Who doesn’t have crappy flaws though? We all do and we just have to live with them right? I mean unless you have money for cosmetic surgery and hypnotherapy…then I guess you don’t. For the rest of us commoners we must realize we are perfectly imperfect. Its always best to shine a light on the qualities you love about your spouse. Trust me they already know what’s wrong with them. Your job is to highlight the good in them to improve their Kanyesteem. This will make a man feel ten feet tall around you.

2. PICK YOUR BATTLES.
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Him leaving the toilet seat up is not a huge problem commes des fak down. All you have to do is calmly lower it and handle your business. Sure its annoying but I know you must have your little habits too that he lets slide. Picking your battles is so important because no one likes fighting everyday with the one who is suppose to protect and love them.

3. TREAT HIM LIKE A FRIEND.
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Would you be mean and jealous of your friend? Do you treat your friends with respect and love? If so, your partner deserves that much too. Would you go through your friends purse or phone? You would go through your friends purse or phone unless you were a thief or weirdo. The same courtesy should be given to your boo. Friends laugh, talk and support one another. Make your man your friend and watch love blossom.

4. EXPRESS YOUR LOVE DAILY.
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Love is kind and love is patient. Love keeps no record of wrong. Love is the most powerful emotion of all. It is the only force that can literally wipe out hate entirely. Deciding to say and do more loving things to your man will make you and him feel better.

5. TALK THINGS OUT.
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Never go to bed or work angry. One will ruin your dreams the other your level of productivity. Learn to talk things out, but more importantly be willing to LISTEN. Anger is just hurt in disguise. Don’t take things to heart all the time and be willing to forgive and let go of resentment.

6. SAY THANK YOU.
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Going all the way back to your precious childhood your mother taught you how to use your magic words. Thank you is such a simple two word phrase that can do wonders for your love life. When is the last time you said “Thank You”? If he picks you up everyday after school or work show him some appreciation. Don’t get mad he’s late sometimes that is a spirit of ungratefulness. Traffic happens and sometimes you have to wait. No matter whether it is a big or small gesture of kindness, letting your love know you appreciate it is a huge factor for his happiness with you.

7. BE PASSIONATE.
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Remember when you first seen him across the room. The way you felt the first time you kissed or made love? The woman you were then was the whole reason he fell so hard for you. You smiled more and laughed making him feel drawn to you. You didn’t act crazy and you really did excite him in the most passionate way. If right now tjings are dull or shakey get back to basics. Bring the passion back to your relationship. Men are not built to tell you they want laid back fun Ashley back. They wouldn’t want to piss you off. Trust that inside they miss the old you. If you can admit you changed, just take it back a bit and watch all the joy return to your relationship. Its worth a try.

Written By: Natosh Monroe
♥WOMANRELOADED

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What is you Love Language? TAKE THE QUIZ

This video caught my attention as is speaks about the different kinds of Love Languages people use and identify with in order to feel happy in their relationships. To better explain to you what this means I will start by listing the 5 love languages:

1.

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2.

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3.

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4.

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5.

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After watching the video which was featured on Oprah’s Life Class I decided to take the quiz to find out what my love language was. Here are my results:

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I ranked highest in words of affirmation followed by quality time. This is an accurate depiction of my needs in a relationship. I love being told im beautiful,  intelligent and how much im appreciated. To me that means much more than receiving gifts or being touched every second. Its interesting to learn more about your love language so you can communicate more effectively in your relationships. As he mentions in the video if your lowest love language is your partners first, communication will be much more difficult in your relationship. If you and your partner have the same love language it will be much easier to get along. I want you to tell us what you think of your own results and take the quiz CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE QUIZ

If this really intrigues you and you would love to read more about it you can also buy the book: The 5 Love Languages by Dr Gary Chapman.

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What did you think of this article?
What do you think your love language is based on the descriptions before taking the quiz?

We want to hear from you!

Written by: Natosh Monroe
♡Woman Reloaded

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10 Ways to feel More confident in Relationships

(Source: 10mintues.ph)

(Source: 10mintues.ph)

Have you ever felt insecure and suspicious of your partner? Have past relationships left you feeling men had to earn trust once put through rigorous tests you’ve created? Have you ever snooped through your boyfriends to check for any signs of cheating? If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the above you may have lost confidence in your relationships.The truth is, as women at some stage in our relationships we will feel insecure.  The reasons range the gamut and can negatively impact the quality of the relationships we are in.  The law of attraction comes to mind which puts great emphasis on the power of our thoughts. It is said that we become what we focus on and attract what we spend time envisioning in our minds. You can not control what a man will ultimately do, but you have complete power to influence it by how you behave and how you react to it. Yes, some men cheat but that does not mean your man will cheat on you. Confidence has rated as one of the most desirable qualities in a woman by men worldwide. Confidence is unapologetic acceptance of yourself for who God made you to be. It’s waking up with a sense of purpose, knowing you deserve, just as much as anyone else to live the life you are living. You know your strengths and weaknesses and still feel like you are lovely no matter what anyone else says. If you would like to boost your confidence in your relationships with men, here are ten ways to get help you become the most confident woman ever.

Like most things to become a natural it will take practice and consistency to make it a habit.

Love Yourself

    Love yourself just a little more than you love your man. I know women tend to love hard and focus all their spare energy into their relationship. Although there is nothing wrong with being committed to someone else, you have to leave some of that amazing loving energy for yourself. Its like being in a scorching hot desert with a bottle of ice cold water. You have two cups and pour the entire bottle of water into his cup, leaving yourself with nothing to drink. Sure you love him enough to sacrifice, but eventually your well will run dry and it will hurt more than it helped. Striking a balance is the key to happiness. Love is not limited and is as plentiful as the heart can imagine. So take some of that love and give it to yourself. Buy yourself something nice once in awhile without guilt. Soak in a sweet scented bubble bath and enjoy a glass of fine wine. If you wait on someone else to do these things for you, it may never happen. So always show yourself love because you deserve just as much as he does.

Set Standards and Stick to them

   Standards are like the business plan of the dating world. Every business on this earth sets them for their employees and schools set them for their professors and students. Since you were a child you had to adhere to these standards set by your parents or teachers. It gave you some sense of direction on how well you needed to perform to be considered good enough. It’s funny how we almost forget they need to be as clear in our relationships  What your standard should be are left up to you. Only you know what truly matters most to your heart. If being in a monogamous relationship is important to you, then letting sex happen on the first date is clearly a no. If you want to be in loving and positive relationship, dating a man that swears at you and puts you done is counter productive  I encourage you to set standards and stick to them. It will make it much easier to know what you want and whether you currently have it or not. Also know what you are willing to offer that person in exchange. Mutually beneficial relationships are much more likely to stand the test of time.

Those that seek to take only end up in divorce court always.

Take Care of Yourself

  I know that if you lead an extremely busy on the go life you may choose to spend less time on your look and more on get up and go clothes (see: Jogging pants, messy buns and sneakers). This may feel comfortable but it does not make you look fabulous. It is very easy for women who become home makers and students to let go of themselves overtime. Take some time to focus on making yourself look your best. If you have had the same haircut for several years, consider trying a new low maintenance look to revamp your look. If you own a full closet of sneakers and are against heels, purchase a pair of cute flats. The truth is men are visual creatures. Looking good brings compliments and who doesn’t like those? Hearing from friends and complete strangers that you look beautiful feels great. You feel appreciated for the effort you put into looking  great and it will boost your confidence right away.

Improve your Posture

 Body language accounts for 80% of communication. The way you walk, stand and sit says a lot about how you feel about yourself. When you look your best and know it, you will automatically walk with increased self-confidence. Your shoulders will be back, head upright and stride steady. Even if you don’t feel confident act like it! Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Watch a few fashion shows and women you find attract to get an ideal of what good posture looks like. Chances are they look confident without even speaking by the graceful way in which they move. This will work wonders in attracting the men you want to you. He will see you smiling and sitting up confidently and feel much more curious about you.


Believe you are Rare

If your problem has been that you were cheated on before, it may have shaken your confidence. Some men make stupid decisions and the only thing we can do is forgive and forget. This helps you to become free of the pain and hopeful about your brighter future. You were born a winner no matter what you have been told. No one on this earth is like you and God makes no mistakes. If your man has become exclusive with you out of all the women he was dating before you came you stood out the most. If he is still with  you, there is something unique about you he needs in his life. If he is a great catch other women will indeed hit on him. However, that does not mean your value goes down. You have to make him believe you are better and more  rare in comparison. Most women would get upset and make him feel guilty for being attractive. Instead say “I love it when you get attention. You are a handsome man and wonderful man. I can see what they see in you. It’s what first attracted me, but I know and love the real you. So women hitting on you to me is cute”. This can be said in a million ways. The aim is to let him know you are not threatened, in love with him and most of all CONFIDENT. It’s as simple as that.


Don’t let ‘LIKES’ and “Double Taps” Provoke you

Facebook and Instagram have girlfriends going crazy. Online creeping is at an all time high and it is destroying relationships. If your boyfriend gets a couple “LIKES’ and comments from women, never freak out. Women can be nasty when they want to create an in for themselves. If he does not even reply to them then you should not consider that a threat. Instagram is land of the thirsty creepers. I have had men leave phone numbers under photos i have posted. Did I know them? Absolutely not. Did i respond? Nope. The point is you have him in the flesh. For all he knows the girl hitting on him could be a dude or Catfish. Getting mad that he liked a picture of a pretty lady doesn’t mean he wants her. If you find that this bothers you no matter what, don’t follow him on Instagram or Facebook. Getting mad will only make him think he is in a cage under impossible rules, no one likes to feel controlled. If he is with YOU, he wants to be. That was something he decided by the way you made him feel about himself. When you make him feel bad about things like this, you make him feel guilty and dishonest. Would you like it if he made you feel like that? I bet we both know the answer to that. Confidence also means picking your battles and knowing which are not worth it.


Trust Him

Trust is like the glue that bonds Ru Paul’s lace front wig to his scalp. Not even Hurricane Katrina could shake that baby and that is what you should aim to have in your relationships. Trust is everything and in some cases it has to be earned. It definitely goes both ways, what we are focused on is your part. When you give your trust to someone, you are giving them your approval and confidence to make upright decisions. When you do or say things to contradict this affectionate gesture, you take it back. You begin to make them feel unworthy of your approval and incompetent when it comes to being truthful. It is insulting and can make them stop trying to be honest. So like the North American judicial system, let him be innocent until proven guilty. In the meantime just enjoy your relationship and relax a little. You get what you focus on. Focus on creating a loving and exciting life together that he can’t wait to get back to after work. Everyone loves to come home to a happy and loving embrace from someone who believes in them. Be that strong, confident and loving woman for him.

Have a Life 

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.Time away allows both of you to miss one another.It’s healthy to have balance and space in your relationship. Go workout at the gym, volunteer for a charity you believe in, read a good book, get a diamond cream facial or go out with your friends too. This will make you feel better and give you both something interesting to talk about when you two speak again. If you have ever spoke for hours on the phone with a guy before you know how enjoyable it was to share interesting stories and thoughts. Those stories become enriched with new and exciting experiences. Having something that makes you happy outside of your relationship makes you look fun and and intriguing to a man. Being clingy and obsessed with being with your boyfriend 24/7 will eventually overwhelm and bore him. He may not be mean enough to say it, but you will know by all the arguments you begin to have. What doesn’t come out your mouth will come out in your actions. Make him miss you every now and then by living your life and enjoying a little time apart for a few hours each week.

Let Go of the Past

By age 25 most women will have experienced the pain of heart break in love. It can sting like a bee but it should never discourage you from moving forward. You control when you let go and what you let stay in your life. If the relationship ended five years ago why let the pain be relevant today? Be conscious of the messages you play in your head when faced with situations that confuse you. A trick you can do to become more positive and uplifting is to say “If my boyfriend loves me and has proven so constantly,what could be a more positive reaction to this situation to show my love back?” Taking a split second to stop yourself from saying or doing something you will regret, will do wonders for your relationship.

Be Wary of advice 

Sometimes the things people will advise you to do will not be in your best interest. Unfortunately, when your life is going super awesome not everyone will be happy for you. You may be dating an incredibly amazing man and face a little rough patch, which leads you to confide in a close friend. Let’s say this friend has had bad luck with men, what do you suppose her advice to you will sound like? People will always give advice based on what they did or would do when in the same situation. It is safe to say it did not work if she has yet to find a man that reacted well to her problem solving methods. Her intentions may be genuine but you wouldn’t ask a poor woman for advice on how to get rich. Bad advice can greatly alter your confidence and make you think negative things you never did before. I always go to God first and and to friends with relationships I hope to have second. Consider the source before you take their advice as gospel.

Woman Reloaded

Written By: Natosh Monroe

The Pros & Cons of Online Dating

(Source: TheScribe.com)

(Source: TheScribe.com)

Remember back in the day when the only way to meet a guy was to leave your house? You actually had to interact with a guy face to face and take your time getting to know him. Well, those creep free days are over. Today we have the wonderful joys of social media, which has changed the way we interact and date men forever. Like a guy and want to get to know him? Google, Facebook and Instagram will give you his 411 free of charge, no stakeouts or Private Investigator needed. Maybe you are a more traditional kind of gal and prefer the classic way to meet men. There is certainly nothing wrong with that and it is encouraged. However, we would be wrong to suggest it is the best or only way. According to E Harmony dating site 1 in 5 relationships begin online. Considering that most of us spend hours a day checking our Facebook and Instagram profiles there is no wonder this happens. You are going to meet men where you spend most of your time. So here is a list of the Pros and Cons of meeting guys online. Would you date a guy you met online? Post your thoughts below in a comment.

The PROS

 

  • VARIETY: There are hundreds of dating sites targeted at specific needs of both women and men. From Chubby Chasers to Exclusive Dating Sites for Beautiful People only, you are sure to find one that meets your dating needs easily. There are tons of great men who have online profiles. If you are not into dating sites, Social media is less forward and effective. It’s great for the woman who leads a busy life and may not have loads of time to be out on the scene.
  • THE PRE-CREEP: Now don’t even pretend that I am the only woman who enjoys the Pre-Creep experience. We all like to look through the photo albums and personal profile to get to know the guy we are interested in. It helps us to build attraction and search for common interests. You may look and see that he parties really hard and says the most immature things all the time. You may not have known this by seeing him in a Tim Horton’s morning line up. The creep saves you time and builds interest.
  • MUTUAL FRIENDS: Facebook let’s you see who knows the guy you like and how. It definitely gives you the ability to hit up the mutual buddy and get the low down. Back in the day this was not an option and made online dating much more risky. If he is friends with people you know and respect chances are he is a good person.
  • MRS. WORLDWIDE BABY: If you like your men international and muscular then you have that option without the use of a passport. Social media brings us altogether from every corner of the world. You don’t need to travel agent to see what men in a certain area look like. You can meet whoever you want with one click of the mouse. As you can imagine this presents some challenges concerning distance, which brings us to the cons.

The CONS

  • LONG DISTANCE: Due to the fact that geographical barriers are non existent online, you may meet an amazing man that lives 4,000 miles away from you. Not only is that hard to maintain but super expensive. I am a believer in true love and know if two people want it bad enough it will work. Still, distance can sometimes cause strain on a relationship overtime.
  • THE CATFISH EPIDEMIC: MTV‘s new hit show “Catfish” is based on a real documentary about a guy who developed an online relationship with this hot artsy girl. They spoke on the phone and interacted for quite sometime in a loving manner. Turns out this hot girl was an old woman and lying the entire time. The poor guy in the documentary received such an overwhelming response of people in his same situation, he made a show about it. The show helps love struck beings to find out if their online loves are real people. When dating online you could run into people who post fake pictures on real profiles. They live the life of these people online, making others assume that’s the real them. It sounds as crazy as it really is. Social awareness of these Catfish profiles is on the rise and it should always be kept in mind. The solution is to Skype before falling for their pictures.
  • FALSE ADVERTISING: As we have learned from the news is you can’t believe everything you read or see. Some men are wealthy online and very poor in real life. It is easy to copy and paste a baller lifestyle. Stealing vacation pictures and posting luxury goods is not that hard to do for the average Joe. Not that material things should be the focus, its the lying that is the problem. If you decide to give a seemingly successful man a chance just know it could be a front. So always be clear on what your true intentions are before you are left holding the bill-LITERALLY!

Have you ever met a great or not so great guy online? If so we would love to hear your story. Leave a comment below.

Woman Reloaded

Written By: Natosh Monroe

5 signs You may be falling for Him

(Source: TheUrban daily.com)

(Source: TheUrban daily.com)

When you first met you just knew there was something special about him. From the late night conversations that run from night til’ dawn to the good morning smiley face text messages, this guy just gives you the sweetest butterflies. There is no feeling more exciting and beautiful than falling for a new guy. Knowing that the guy you have been head over heels about really digs you- is everything. If you are like most girls, you might not even realize how much you have falling for him, in such a short time. Although the honeymoon waltz is a magical experience, it’s always wise to maintain your composure. After-all, this guy has forever potential so no need to rush. Here are some tell tale signs you are one smitten kitten and how to gracefully balance it out.

Sign #1: When you get a text, you really hope it’s him

You know you are sprung when you keep your phone glued to your hip to avoid missing his call or text.

If you literally can’t stop smiling and do a happy dance when he contacts you, you are really into this guy.

 

Sign #2: You sit on the phone for hours together

When you two speak you feel so close to him. You guys share stories about life, music, jokes and ambitions you hold inside. Its so refreshing to be able to connect on the level you two do. He is far from boring and makes you laugh so easily. He isn’t like any other guy you have ever dated and it excites you.

Sign #3: You made a side by side #picstitch of the two of you

There is no questioning how physically attracted you are to this guy. He is super cute and has the most amazing personality. Only thing is you two have never taken a picture together yet. You are super curious about how good you guys would look together and created a side by side picture collage to find out.

Sign #4  You gush to your friends about every sweet thing he does

On your first date you two went to a local fair and he won you a huge teddy bear. When it rained he let you put his jacket on to keep you warm and dry. As you walked to the car hand in hand, he leaned down and kissed your forehead. You said nothing but smiled feeling so special. As soon as you got home, you immediately messaged your bestie to gush about the entire date. You just can’t stop talking about him. He is on your mind and you love him being there.

Sign #5: You have started brushing off other guys

A month ago you were on the verge of dating men in your friend zone because the pickings were ultra slim. Now that you have found your Mr. Forever you have no time for these thirsty men. Ugh, why can’t they see that you are happily dating someone much more amazing? Truly, these men are practically invisible to you and you always ignore their advances.

How to play it cool:

 

1. Men love a bit of a challenge.The ideal is if it is easy to get, it can’t be good. Men like what they can get, but love what they have to work hard for. It’s cool to answer his messages and text a few times, but don’t let him have a play by play all the time. Create a little air of mystery and unravel your character slowly. Sensuality is everything, use it to your advantage.

2. How many late night conversations do you think it will take to give away everything you ever did in your life? Most motivational speakers could do it in a 30 min presentation. If you speak for hours each night, eventually you will run out of things to say. Not only that but it makes a non official relationship, feel super official prematurely. A good rule of them is to keep it short and sweet. Have a thirty minute conversation leaving him wanting more. It’s like a juicy episode of  The Walking Dead, you get thirty minutes of thrill and left wanting more next week. If they gave it all away in one episode there would be nothing left to see.

3. Making picture collages isn’t the end of the world. Just don’t make it your screen saver or profile picture. It could scare him away and make you seem like you are truly obsessed already.

4. If you have sweet and loyal friends they are genuinely happy that you have a new guy. Be careful not to smother them with every waking detail of your love affair. It can become annoying and if they are single, it could cause jealousy on their part. Try to only talk him him when absolutely necessary or only when asked.

5. My grandma always told me “Never put all your eggs in one basket”. Yes this guy has potential to change your last name but it is still early. You may really not be interested in other guys but don’t terminate your roster just yet. It takes awhile to see how a person is and until you know for sure he is 100% for you, keep your options open.

Woman Reloaded

Written By: Natosh Monroe

Get over you EX Now and Forever!

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(Photo Source: Celebrity memes.com)

Breaking up is hard to do. If you’ve ever experienced one, you know just how hard they can be to truly get over. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the one being dumped or the dumper, separating from the one you loved and seen yourself marrying one day feels heart wrenching. When women love, we love with everything we’ve got. You may have just recently broken up with your most recent boyfriend/girlfriend and still feel down about how things ended. You may have a close friend or family member who is in this predicament. Reading this can help you or a loved one to gain a different perspective on the current situation. I’ve been where you are and serve as proof it will pass. The light at the end of the tunnel for you is that I am committed to coaching you back to feeling amazing.  Listed below are the three most common reasons relationships end.

1. You decided to end things.

2. He decided to end things.

3. You both mutually decided that it was best to call it quits.

I’ve decided to separately address each scenario, so feel free to read them all through to the end or skip right to the situation that applies to you.

Scenario One: You decided to end things

First, I’d like to congratulate you on having the strength to end a non-satisfying relationship. Deciding to call it quits in situations you aren’t happy in is never to be regretted. It proves that you are a woman who is aware and in touch with her self-worth. You are not the kind of woman who will compromise her happiness for anyone and that’s BOSS! What’s important is staying focused on yourself and your needs.The temptation to backslide and return to the ex can often present itself. The key thing to do when this happens is to write a list of all the things you wanted that you didn’t get and another of what you got instead. When creating these two separate lists be as specific with the details as possible. Notice how much of a gap there is between the two. This gap is how far your happiness was from ever becoming a reality. Refer to this list anytime you feel unsure about your decision. Be confident that you made the right decision that was in your best interest. During this time surround yourself with positive, uplifting people to take your mind off things. STAY BUSY! It’s when you have nothing to do that the urge to question yourself comes up. You taking the time to learn from this proves you are ambitious, success focused and committed to finding new ways to improve your current situation. My words are powerless without the help of your action. Spend your time doing things you always wanted to but weren’t able to try because your ex maybe hated them or judged you for doing them. This can serve as your release from his mental bondage. Create a bucket list and start working towards living the life that will attract the man you are destined to be with.

What to do if he won’t accept that it’s over:

This is such a common and expected reaction of men who were in the wrong. It’s easy for a woman in an emotional state to be swayed into going back as he relentlessly professes his undying love. If the relationship was truly toxic, this may be the first time since you met him that he has ever showered you with this much consistent attention. It may lead you to believe that this could be the new him and that if you return there will be more of this new him to experience. Unfortunately the harsh reality is if he hasn’t been this way in a normal situation, it’s likely he won’t be once you return. Abnormal amounts of calling, grovelling, crying and begging isn’t healthy or stable behavior to anticipate. In this situation, discontinuing further contact-he will get the message. If you work together or live relatively close and distance is more of a challenge, be firm and tell him to respect your decision. If the harassment gets out of hand you have two options left:

1. Tell a mutual friend of his to communicate that the relationship is really over. Getting into the details and rehashing the past isn’t the purpose of this interaction. Chose a friend you know he would never want to look stupid in front of, someone he respects. If no such person exists, chose the friend or person in his life you are convinced really never liked you. They will do a fantastic job of using your request as ammunition to convince him to stay away from you. Haters will always work hard and overtime without pay. Use this to your advantage. Chances are his friend will man talk him back to sense and his pride will prevent further contact. It’s a mild form of humiliation and only to be used with men who don’t have a history of violence. More ideal for the men who have high self-esteem and value their reputations with their friends.

2. If you feel threatened, scared, uncomfortable or worried he is likely to harm you report the incident to your local authorities. A restraining order can be put in place which legally prevents him from coming into contact with you. A violation of this order will lead to imprisonment.

In reality we’d all prefer to not go to such extreme measures to have our decision to end a relationship respected, but some men aren’t respectful. Hopefully through this experience you can rest assured you definitely made the best decision to end things.

Scenario Two: He decided to end things.

Being dumped always hurts no matter who you are. You may be really shocked because you didn’t see it coming and still see hope in the relationship. What’s important in order for you to get over this is to be respectful of his decision. It may be next to impossible when emotional and heartbroken to think objectively, but you must for your own protection. One thing I know is that breaking up with a woman for a man is one of the hardest things to do. Most skip the process and altogether disappear without a trace Osama Bin Laden style. Even worse than that is when a man physically stays but mentally checks out. This usually leads to infidelity and a passionless relationship. When you think about it, his maturity to tell you directly that it is over is much more respectable than any other way to end relationship. It’s easy to begin rationalizing that you must have been a horrible girlfriend and that it was entirely fault. You may even start thinking you are impossible to love and that you will be alone forever. These are self-defeating thoughts you must not accept as truths. Rightfully so, you may have been in the wrong a few times, but it still isn’t 100% your undoing of the relationship. You weren’t dating yourself; it was a union of two separate individuals. Every time you got into an argument it was over how he made you feel or worse didn’t. Keep that in mind. Relationships aren’t perfect but a relationship with two people who are committed to its stability won’t argue half as much. Right now is the time you need to refer back to your standards. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Has he tried to end it before, and did I cry, beg or manipulate him into staying?
  • Did I abandon the life I lived once we got together?
  • Did my friends like him? If not, why?
  • Was this relationship what I said I was truly looking for?
  • When with him did I feel like I could always be who I truly was without conforming to feel accepted?
  • At this stage in my life, was this relationship actively helping me to accomplish my goals?
  • How did he really make me feel most of the time?
  • Did I get into this relationship to avoid feeling the pain of being alone after my last relationship ended?
  • Did he love me? If yes, would someone truly in love want to end things?
  • Did I spend as much time making myself successful and happy as I did obsessing about the relationship?
  • Did he equally contribute to the maintenance of our relationship? Was there a point where I was left to do all the grunt work?
  • Did I trust him? If not, why? (The answer is very important and needed to move on)

Take a few moments to answer these questions. Be as open and honest as possible to really discover the reality of what your relationship was. Too often when a relationship ends we sit, only focused on the “un -ending” it. By switching your focus to an objective analysis of the entire relationship, you can discover some answer to why it ended. Most men don’t have the balls to tell you the real reasons they left because they don’t want to hurt you. It’s easier to blame the last argument or all arguments collectively. By answering these questions you can move from an emotional state of assessment to a logical one.

What to do when you feel the urge to convince him to come back:

If there are times you feel the urge to contact him and convince him to take you back, STOP! One thing men can’t live without from a woman is her respect for him. The breakup was likely difficult for him to do and to not give him distance to get through things is selfish. It’s not to suggest that you two could never be on platonic talking terms, but let that be his decision. If he reaches out to you in the future and you’re open to it, be friends. If he chooses not to contact you, then it’s his loss. You aren’t Quasi Modo and if you could attract a man once you can do it again with finesse. You are beautiful and there is a man out there that believes leaving you is not an option. Focus on living a positive life that will eventually attract that kind of man to you.

Scenario Three: You both mutually decided that it was best to call it quits.

Sometimes this can be a tricky one. Often there was one of you who had too much pride to be the only one who didn’t want to end it. Either way whether that was you or not, I suggest reading the above scenarios to know how to handle the decision to end things. The relationships that end in a calm and mature manner often are easier to transition into friendships afterwards. I still suggest even if that’s an option to take considerable time apart to reflect and live your life. It’s hard to end a relationship with constant contact. There was a strong reason it didn’t work and it’s likely you both discussed it. Whether it was because commitment wasn’t’ happening, realizing you were seriously incompatible or just an inability to get over an obstacle, it ended respect that. Not every man you date will be the one. Some are brought into your life to prepare you to appreciate the one when he does come.

Regardless of the scenario that applies to you here are a few additional tips to assist you with getting over

your past and ready to embrace your future with open arms.

1. End all Communication.

2. Erase all traces of Him.

3. SAY NO! To the Emo playlist.

4. Stay busy and focused on your needs

5. Let it all out, ONCE.

6. Reconnect with those who love you

7. Turn to God for strength and guidance

8. Create a Bucket List and follow through.

9. Help others Less Fortunate.

10. Appreciate what you still have left.

11. Start a Business to dedicate your focus to.

12. Casually Date new people.

Woman Reloaded

Written By: Natosh Monroe