Have you ever felt insecure and suspicious of your partner? Have past relationships left you feeling men had to earn trust once put through rigorous tests you’ve created? Have you ever snooped through your boyfriends to check for any signs of cheating? If you answered ‘Yes’ to any of the above you may have lost confidence in your relationships.The truth is, as women at some stage in our relationships we will feel insecure. The reasons range the gamut and can negatively impact the quality of the relationships we are in. The law of attraction comes to mind which puts great emphasis on the power of our thoughts. It is said that we become what we focus on and attract what we spend time envisioning in our minds. You can not control what a man will ultimately do, but you have complete power to influence it by how you behave and how you react to it. Yes, some men cheat but that does not mean your man will cheat on you. Confidence has rated as one of the most desirable qualities in a woman by men worldwide. Confidence is unapologetic acceptance of yourself for who God made you to be. It’s waking up with a sense of purpose, knowing you deserve, just as much as anyone else to live the life you are living. You know your strengths and weaknesses and still feel like you are lovely no matter what anyone else says. If you would like to boost your confidence in your relationships with men, here are ten ways to get help you become the most confident woman ever.
Like most things to become a natural it will take practice and consistency to make it a habit.
Love yourself just a little more than you love your man. I know women tend to love hard and focus all their spare energy into their relationship. Although there is nothing wrong with being committed to someone else, you have to leave some of that amazing loving energy for yourself. Its like being in a scorching hot desert with a bottle of ice cold water. You have two cups and pour the entire bottle of water into his cup, leaving yourself with nothing to drink. Sure you love him enough to sacrifice, but eventually your well will run dry and it will hurt more than it helped. Striking a balance is the key to happiness. Love is not limited and is as plentiful as the heart can imagine. So take some of that love and give it to yourself. Buy yourself something nice once in awhile without guilt. Soak in a sweet scented bubble bath and enjoy a glass of fine wine. If you wait on someone else to do these things for you, it may never happen. So always show yourself love because you deserve just as much as he does.
Set Standards and Stick to them
Standards are like the business plan of the dating world. Every business on this earth sets them for their employees and schools set them for their professors and students. Since you were a child you had to adhere to these standards set by your parents or teachers. It gave you some sense of direction on how well you needed to perform to be considered good enough. It’s funny how we almost forget they need to be as clear in our relationships What your standard should be are left up to you. Only you know what truly matters most to your heart. If being in a monogamous relationship is important to you, then letting sex happen on the first date is clearly a no. If you want to be in loving and positive relationship, dating a man that swears at you and puts you done is counter productive I encourage you to set standards and stick to them. It will make it much easier to know what you want and whether you currently have it or not. Also know what you are willing to offer that person in exchange. Mutually beneficial relationships are much more likely to stand the test of time.
Those that seek to take only end up in divorce court always.
I know that if you lead an extremely busy on the go life you may choose to spend less time on your look and more on get up and go clothes (see: Jogging pants, messy buns and sneakers). This may feel comfortable but it does not make you look fabulous. It is very easy for women who become home makers and students to let go of themselves overtime. Take some time to focus on making yourself look your best. If you have had the same haircut for several years, consider trying a new low maintenance look to revamp your look. If you own a full closet of sneakers and are against heels, purchase a pair of cute flats. The truth is men are visual creatures. Looking good brings compliments and who doesn’t like those? Hearing from friends and complete strangers that you look beautiful feels great. You feel appreciated for the effort you put into looking great and it will boost your confidence right away.
Improve your Posture
Body language accounts for 80% of communication. The way you walk, stand and sit says a lot about how you feel about yourself. When you look your best and know it, you will automatically walk with increased self-confidence. Your shoulders will be back, head upright and stride steady. Even if you don’t feel confident act like it! Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Watch a few fashion shows and women you find attract to get an ideal of what good posture looks like. Chances are they look confident without even speaking by the graceful way in which they move. This will work wonders in attracting the men you want to you. He will see you smiling and sitting up confidently and feel much more curious about you.
Believe you are Rare
If your problem has been that you were cheated on before, it may have shaken your confidence. Some men make stupid decisions and the only thing we can do is forgive and forget. This helps you to become free of the pain and hopeful about your brighter future. You were born a winner no matter what you have been told. No one on this earth is like you and God makes no mistakes. If your man has become exclusive with you out of all the women he was dating before you came you stood out the most. If he is still with you, there is something unique about you he needs in his life. If he is a great catch other women will indeed hit on him. However, that does not mean your value goes down. You have to make him believe you are better and more rare in comparison. Most women would get upset and make him feel guilty for being attractive. Instead say “I love it when you get attention. You are a handsome man and wonderful man. I can see what they see in you. It’s what first attracted me, but I know and love the real you. So women hitting on you to me is cute”. This can be said in a million ways. The aim is to let him know you are not threatened, in love with him and most of all CONFIDENT. It’s as simple as that.
Don’t let ‘LIKES’ and “Double Taps” Provoke you
Facebook and Instagram have girlfriends going crazy. Online creeping is at an all time high and it is destroying relationships. If your boyfriend gets a couple “LIKES’ and comments from women, never freak out. Women can be nasty when they want to create an in for themselves. If he does not even reply to them then you should not consider that a threat. Instagram is land of the thirsty creepers. I have had men leave phone numbers under photos i have posted. Did I know them? Absolutely not. Did i respond? Nope. The point is you have him in the flesh. For all he knows the girl hitting on him could be a dude or Catfish. Getting mad that he liked a picture of a pretty lady doesn’t mean he wants her. If you find that this bothers you no matter what, don’t follow him on Instagram or Facebook. Getting mad will only make him think he is in a cage under impossible rules, no one likes to feel controlled. If he is with YOU, he wants to be. That was something he decided by the way you made him feel about himself. When you make him feel bad about things like this, you make him feel guilty and dishonest. Would you like it if he made you feel like that? I bet we both know the answer to that. Confidence also means picking your battles and knowing which are not worth it.
Trust is like the glue that bonds Ru Paul’s lace front wig to his scalp. Not even Hurricane Katrina could shake that baby and that is what you should aim to have in your relationships. Trust is everything and in some cases it has to be earned. It definitely goes both ways, what we are focused on is your part. When you give your trust to someone, you are giving them your approval and confidence to make upright decisions. When you do or say things to contradict this affectionate gesture, you take it back. You begin to make them feel unworthy of your approval and incompetent when it comes to being truthful. It is insulting and can make them stop trying to be honest. So like the North American judicial system, let him be innocent until proven guilty. In the meantime just enjoy your relationship and relax a little. You get what you focus on. Focus on creating a loving and exciting life together that he can’t wait to get back to after work. Everyone loves to come home to a happy and loving embrace from someone who believes in them. Be that strong, confident and loving woman for him.
Have a Life
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.Time away allows both of you to miss one another.It’s healthy to have balance and space in your relationship. Go workout at the gym, volunteer for a charity you believe in, read a good book, get a diamond cream facial or go out with your friends too. This will make you feel better and give you both something interesting to talk about when you two speak again. If you have ever spoke for hours on the phone with a guy before you know how enjoyable it was to share interesting stories and thoughts. Those stories become enriched with new and exciting experiences. Having something that makes you happy outside of your relationship makes you look fun and and intriguing to a man. Being clingy and obsessed with being with your boyfriend 24/7 will eventually overwhelm and bore him. He may not be mean enough to say it, but you will know by all the arguments you begin to have. What doesn’t come out your mouth will come out in your actions. Make him miss you every now and then by living your life and enjoying a little time apart for a few hours each week.
Let Go of the Past
By age 25 most women will have experienced the pain of heart break in love. It can sting like a bee but it should never discourage you from moving forward. You control when you let go and what you let stay in your life. If the relationship ended five years ago why let the pain be relevant today? Be conscious of the messages you play in your head when faced with situations that confuse you. A trick you can do to become more positive and uplifting is to say “If my boyfriend loves me and has proven so constantly,what could be a more positive reaction to this situation to show my love back?” Taking a split second to stop yourself from saying or doing something you will regret, will do wonders for your relationship.
Be Wary of advice
Sometimes the things people will advise you to do will not be in your best interest. Unfortunately, when your life is going super awesome not everyone will be happy for you. You may be dating an incredibly amazing man and face a little rough patch, which leads you to confide in a close friend. Let’s say this friend has had bad luck with men, what do you suppose her advice to you will sound like? People will always give advice based on what they did or would do when in the same situation. It is safe to say it did not work if she has yet to find a man that reacted well to her problem solving methods. Her intentions may be genuine but you wouldn’t ask a poor woman for advice on how to get rich. Bad advice can greatly alter your confidence and make you think negative things you never did before. I always go to God first and and to friends with relationships I hope to have second. Consider the source before you take their advice as gospel.
Written By: Natosh Monroe