1. You think all men are the same.
I will be the first to admit to admit that there was once a time I actually felt this way. I will also add I was a teenager and had a very limited dating pool to base my views on. Preconceived notions are a hell of a thing that can really hinder your chances of meeting a great man. Think of it this way: Let’s say I think all black people are criminals and not to be trusted. (Disclaimer: I am black *smile* and do not believe this) Now let’s say I am the hiring manager at Wells Fargo and I have to interview a candidate with an impressive resume and a graduate of Yale. I think the candidate is amazing on paper and set up an interview to meet this guy. When he arrives I am completely shocked because he is black and I don’t trust any black people based on what I felt before meeting him. With a mindset like this whether he could do wonders in the available position or not, I am going to be on guard waiting for him to mess up because I-not HIM, expect the worst. You get what you expect through the law of attraction. If you want better men you must first believe better men exist. If you do not i can guarantee you will continue to meet loads of frogs until you change your negative perspective.
2. You date physically abusive men.
Domestic violence is no laughing matter and a very serious criminal offense. Many women and some men suffer in silence at the hands of controlling abusive partners. If you are or have been in many abusive relationships, there is a high chance you may be making excuses for toxic men. When they show signs of jealousy you may misinterpret that as them simply caring for you deeply. Many abusers keep their victims close by crying afterwards or blaming external forces for their inability to change, playing on the heartstrings of overly compassionate victims. If you are in an abusive relationship there is help for you. Many shelters are available for women who are looking to escape violent living conditions. If this continues to happen to you, you need to begin evaluating the standards you have set in your personal relationships and adjust them accordingly.
3. You have never had a man send you flowers.
I once had a girl tell me she has never had a guy open a car door for her while on a date or in general. This was so abnormal to me because I thought that was a normal thing all men I dated did. I then realized that not all men are that polite to women they date and that these insensitive men still exist. Whether it be flowers, a thoughtful card or just a ride home from work-good men do these things to make their women feel special. If you are always the one going out of your way to make a man feel loved, you are doing way too much. It should always be a nice and fair give and take; a beautiful and warm natural flow of affection between the two of you.
4. You cry more than you smile in your relationships.
A healthy relationship will always make you feel good about yourself. You will have times that arguments will happen but this should never make you feel like crap for days. If the guy you are dating doesn’t care to make up with you before the end of the night r after a 24 hour cool down period, he may be more into himself than the relationship. Mature and well balanced men will calmly address any issue you two have because he wants to see you happy. Pain is not love and neither is having fights non stop. If this is happening to you it’s time you work on you. We can not change anyone faster than we can ourselves. Be honest with yourself about how you contribute to the fights and how you can react differently next time. Sometimes taking a step back can give you enough time to think through your own thoughts to avoid saying something you will regret.
5. Every guy you have ever dated cheated on you.
The only thing I can say about this is that your trust is misplaced and you have completely fired your own God given “Women’s Intuition”. We all were born with shit talk detectors and know when we are being taken for a ride. If you are always getting cheated on chances are you enjoy this ride. Perhaps you find it very scenic and enjoyable to be on but the long term emotional effects of being cheated on are not good. You may not be able to control a cheating man but you have full control over whether you stay with him or go. Men who cheat often put more time into their lives than the relationship. They are not consistent and often times very inconsistent in other areas of their lives as well. The only solution to this problem is to allow people to silently earn your trust and not receive it on blind faith. At the end of the day you have to protect your heart and look out for your best interest. You teach others how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.
6. Your friends constantly try to play match maker with you.
The only reason your friends will try to “constantly” hook you up with people is for one of three reasons:
1. Your mother is paying them under the table to introduce you to the guys she has background checked on her extensive Tinder and E-Harmony search for your husband.
2. You have been single for as long as they have known you and there is a silent bet going on about whether you are gay or straight. No one wants to come out and ask so they just monitor and watch to see your Instagram #MCM (Male Crush Monday) to #WCW (Women Crush wednesday) ratio and hook you up according to that.
3. You keep dating nothing but horrible d-bags.
If any of these things apply to you especially paying majority of the attention to #3 this is a sign you probably should ask them what they think of your taste in men. If you are not happy these people can remind you of the truth you may be purposely avoiding. They remember all the stories good and bad and can help you out the most.
7. You stay in bad relationships because you are tired of starting over.
There was once a time I was a time over quality kind of gal. I think every woman goes through this phase at least once in her life. This happens when you reminisce more than you actually experience true happiness in your relationships. Starting over doesn’t mean you have failed or that you have to start all over again. There is a key difference and that is you are approaching the dating game with even more knowledge and confidence than before. You know what doesn’t work for you and from you with others. This allows you to learn, grow and be more successful in the future. If anything it is a great thing. Staying in a bad relationship is not worth the pain and turmoil. If you feel you are dating an emotionally dead man respect your future enough to make it better by leaving. You can and WILL do better.