Have you ever dated a man who in the beginning was everything you could ever dream for? Then out of practically nowhere did he start acting like someone else? Were you convinced he was about to go straight OJ on your ass? Well ladies for far too long we’ve been blaming men saying they are the issue when in reality many times the real problem is us. Yes, I really said that. I’m not switching teams on you, but the last thing I’m going to do is act like a radical feminist and blame it all on the men. The truth of the matter is there are many ways us women push the very men we want to be with right out of our lives. Some of these ways are so subliminal that we can sometimes may not even realize we are doing it. To open your eyes and hopefully save your relationship from taking a turn for the worst please grab a pen and paper and take down the follow Relationship killers. As well, please tell your girls, mothers, aunties and sisters about these. The more we know the stronger we become! PROCEED!
Neglect his basic needs.
Men are very basic creatures and their top three needs are as follows: (1) Appreciation (2) Support (3) Acceptance. They are many other obvious needs but these are these are the most important. Neglect to fulfill these needs and you will be two steps closer to losing your man to a woman who will.
Nag and Drag out Arguments.
I know how much a man can drive you crazy when he simply misses the point you’re trying to make. That blank “What did I do?” look can make you go a mile a minute, but the more you rant the more you lose him. I’m not suggesting you don’t maturely address your concerns but there is a huge difference between talking things out at an appropriate time, like when he’s not at work, watching the game or in public. If you are totally lost on when a good time would be and have seemed to lose your relationship etiquette over the years, think of your relationship like a business. Be professional. Would you walk into your boss’s office and rant on some issue without warning? Wouldn’t you think he’d be unreceptive and annoyed? Well sweetheart so does your man when you approach him randomly with full venom. Once the chat has been had let it go. Don’t bring it up anytime something goes bad. He will feel like you’re not over it and you’ll remind him of his mom, in a bad way.
Have nothing going for yourself, but him.
It’s startling just how many women lose sight of their own goals when coupled. I know it’s natural to want to be there for your man but, what about you mama? Remember when he met you, you lived a life outside of him and he STILL liked you, so what makes you think he’s going to stop now? Men like women who have lives outside of them. A man that wants to be your life is called a pimp. Have goals and actively pursue them every day of your life. I believe when you simultaneously work away at your ambitions and maintain your personal relationship you enhance the possibility of future happiness in your life. At least if things don’t work out, you still have an amazing well established career to continue building into something great. It only hurts when you have NOTHING left, which usually the case when you do the opposite.
Try to Re-Invent him somehow.
Okay so a caveman has more dining etiquette than your man. He dresses way too childish and you just can’t wrap your mind around how he got the nickname Tijuana Tom. Well sweetheart he is who he wants to be and will stay that way until he feels like changing. The sooner you accept this fact, the fewer headaches you will have trying to accomplish the impossible. I always say “If you like Apples don’t buy Oranges”. If you are dating a man who isn’t what you would normally go for or possesses some less than attractive quality you cringe about, don’t date him. Don’t try to be “nice” or give him a “chance”. There is nothing nice about dating a man you have no sparks for just because he likes you. If you think he would be perfect minus the list of things you dislike about him, He’s not the one. No one is perfect but someone is compatible. There are men who come employed, non-abusive and respectful; even ones who don’t have friends who are total jerks. Anytime you try to change a man he begins to feel like who he is isn’t good enough. How positive would you respond to someone who told you, you weren’t fine just the way you are? Men want to make us happy when they care for us. Accepting him for who he is flaws and all will make him feel more willing to want to improve what he’s giving you on his own. If you have a concern definitely voice it but try not to come off as too critical.
There are men that will compliment you and encourage you to take nude pictures and post them in your portfolio for your modeling career. Some will tell you it’s heavily intoxicated at a party and participate in a wet t-shirt contest too. The truth is these men don’t respect you and are thinking with their other head. What kind of man wouldn’t want to see a beautiful woman half naked? Answer: A homosexual. So don’t be misled. It all boils down to your goals, if you want to make it past girlfriend status into marriage one day, practice carrying yourself with confidence and class. This doesn’t just mean wearing Jacob, Versace and Gap clothing. It’s more than attire. It’s the way that you speak in professional situations, the behavior you display in public/private and your overall intelligence. Good men like intelligent women. Educate yourself on a variety of things past cosmetics and celebrity gossip. Men don’t care about what Diddy just Twittered about or what happened on MTV last night. Being classy isn’t just what you put out there; it’s also what you allow to take place in your life. How you allow people to address you and treat you will ultimately determine what class of woman you are.
Try to push for more prematurely.
So you two have been talking for a month. You like him a lot and want become exclusive, but he still hasn’t mentioned it. Well I say, the less you act like you want to be his girl and as though you could care less the more he will be into the idea. When you let a man know just how desperate you are for him to give you a commitment he will start to feel uncomfortable. He will wonder what’s the rush and difference. He will think you have some sort of high expectation of him and if he’s still trying to get to know you. He will feel obligated to give you more than he’s prepared to. This can scare him right out of the idea of dating you. I find when a man wants the commitment he’s made the firm decision you are the one and that he’s actually ready to give you what you deserve. When you push it, he may say yes just to keep you around but not really know for sure that he’s 100% about you. This can lead to the cheating aspect and a low quality of commitment. If you happen to be past the dating phase and are dying to tie the knot, either due to your “clock ticking” or just your own timeline for marriage, feeling anxious to get married can become the issue. You may fear he won’t ever propose or that you may never have children before it’s too risky. I say based on advice from “The Rules” never date a man beyond 3 years. If after that he still has no plans to marry you, given you have followed all rules, then maybe he hasn’t found what he is looking for in you.
Creep and Invade his Privacy.
It can be tempting to want to know what lies within the secured walls of your boyfriends Facebook and Email inbox. It’s a part of him you don’t have access to and it can seem like something worth investigating Right?! I know, I know but please suppress the urge to go CSI on him. There is nothing more creepy and annoying than a girl who violates your privacy. You may feel you have all right, when you are highly suspicious and emotional about the state of your relationship, but it’s never right. If you really believe your man is being dishonest, then become increasingly observant and patient. Nothing in the dark escapes the light. If it’s not now, it will be soon. The less you openly express your suspicion the less a man will feel the need to put effort into hiding his tracks. His Super-Ego will kick in and he will act sloppy sooner or later. When proof is in the pudding, there’s no escaping it. As well if you’re trust is not there, you shouldn’t be there either.
Behave Insecure and express constant hatred for yourself.
Oh nothing screams future mother of my children and definite wife material like a woman who has no confidence and hates more things about herself than humanly possible. Everyone has insecurities that they have to work on, but at the same time we all have unique strengths as well. There are some kick ass things about you. There must be if he chose to date you. It’s true that you don’t notice things until they are pointed out to you. So why in the world would you want to point out the worse things about yourself to your boyfriend? Men are more solutions based. They are the “Mr. Fix It’s” in our lives. When you rant and rave about something you hate about yourself and get offended when your man provides an obvious solution:
Girl: I’m fat. Do I look like Fat Man Scoop in this Bikini?
Guy: *silence*….You aren’t that bad but maybe we could buddy at the gym and work on building your core”.
Girl: Seriously?! I can’t believe you just said I was fat. Well maybe I should just starve myself! Will that make you happy?!
This although true, often upsets most women. To men it makes no sense you respond this way.You asked for his opinion. Get it. Then lash out at him for it. When you look at it like that, you may feel crazy having done it. It’s quite simple talk about your insecurities with you female and gay friends. Don’t ask for advice in hopes of a compliment, it’s submissive and confusing. When you have confidence and love yourself, so will he. Fake it, until you make it.
Written By: Natosh Monroe